I’ll never forget it.

My throat choked and my hands shook. Tears streamed. Barely able to catch my breath, I watched the doctor deliver my first child and proclaim, “It’s a girl!” As they cut the cord and rubbed her down, I thought: Wow, we made her! . . . Now what?

If you’re a parent, you’ve likely had a similar surreal moment when you realized that your helpless newborn is totally dependent on you. Sure, you wonder: Will they be healthy and happy? But you also wonder: Will they follow in my footsteps and join me in heaven?

Although you may not yet be able to answer these questions, you can make it easy for your kids to choose well. Over the next 6 blogs (12 weeks), you’ll learn ways to help your kids know how to choose well and, more importantly, want to.

The first 3 blogs are The 10 Fallacies of Fatherhood; the last 3 are The 10 Myths of Motherhood. You’ll learn 20 errors and 20 corresponding truths to put your kids on the path to faithfulness so they can walk it . . . and put faithfulness on a tee so they can whack it.

These principles come from our parenting seminars and my book, Well Done, Mom & Dad!: A Practical Guide to Turn Good Intentions into a Godly Legacy, which launches on August 17th. More information will soon be available at www.WellDoneMomAndDad.com and www.timalba.com. Today, we’ll start with the first 3 fallacies (and 3 realities) of fatherhood:

 

10 Fallacies of Fatherhood:

Fallacy #1:  Be who you are

As a boy, I sang Sammy Davis, Jr.’s famous lyrics: “I can’t be right for somebody else if I’m not right for me. I gotta be free. I gotta be free.” Being me sounds so good, but it isn’t what your kids need. Being me is being the “natural” me – the default person I was without Jesus. And I no longer want to be that person. Jesus saved me to be the person He intends me to be, not the person I prefer by default.

Reality #1: Be who your kids need you to be

As the biblically-appointed spiritual leader of the home, don’t abdicate your role to mom who already has so much on her God-given plate. Yes, kids need dads to be strong and unwavering, but they also need dads to listen to their hearts, speak their language, and change to meet their needs. In order for your kids to want to be faithful, you must be who your kids need you to be.

Question: Are you the dad you want to be OR the dad your kids need you to be?

 

Fallacy #2:  Kids need you to be a superhero

Kids love superheroes who are smart, strong, and find a way, no matter what. Superheroes  are always there, open imaginations, and inspire kids to dream big. The problem is when superheroes are the only heroes a child has. Thankfully, my dad is my hero. He’s smart, strong, and finds a way. By always being there and living his values, my dad opens my imagination and inspires me to become a Christ-follower. Like any great parent, though, his servant-leadership isn’t a fantasy; it’s real.

Reality #2:  Kids need you to be a character hero

More than superheroes, kids need character heroes who instill character in them, speak character over them, and celebrate the character already within them. Character heroes are rarely, if ever, born. They develop. They learn. They seek and receive counsel. And they, in turn, help others, especially their kids, grow to do the same. Mold a culture that they can believe in now and want to copy decades later. You aren’t winning popularity contests; you’re winning hearts.

Question: Are you trying to be your kids’ superhero OR their character hero?

 

Fallacy #3:  It’s the thought that counts

On my wife’s 24th birthday, I said, “I intended to buy you 24 red roses but it didn’t work out.” That was the day I learned that Anna didn’t care about my intentions. She wanted the roses. So too, kids get tired hearing about what you meant to do. They tune out that you’re too tired or got tied up at work. Kids love your efforts, but loath your excuses. They may say they’re fine, but as is the case with Momma, “fine” isn’t fine.

Reality #3:  Well-intended is not well done

Godly legacies start with good intentions, but they’re defined by kept promises. Kids typically even forgive your lapses, if accompanied by sincere apologies. But you can’t talk your way out of consequences you act your way into. Talk without action and a walk that doesn’t match your talk – either way, well-intended is not, and never will be, well done. Teaching kids to choose well is one of the greatest gifts a dad can give his kids – a gift that keeps on giving for generations to come

Question: Are you modeling a pattern of well-intended OR well done?

 

My next blog addresses four more fallacies of fatherhood: Kids don’t know your secrets; Friends influence kids more than you do; You deserve respect; and Never let ‘em see you sweat. See you in two weeks!