Too often, we parents look back and wish for do-overs. “If only I had …” Amidst the heat of potty training, training wheels, training bras, and drivers training, we get busy, overwhelmed, or uncertain.

We want better, but great intentions don’t birth great kids as long as we live with three heart realities: 1) no need, 2) no urgency, or 3) no hope. We know better, we’ll improve later, or we think it’s too late. Each one may be true in a particular moment, but they’re a stealthy breeding ground for do-overs if they’re patterns birthed in our hearts.

Other parents are proactive, but pursue quick, simple solutions to “fix” kids. If we can just get through today, right? But tomorrow ends up much like today because of a fourth reason – the stealthiest reason – for missing God’s blessing as Christian parents: no vision.

Visionary parents love kids for who they are, but see kids for who they can become. We can all be visionary parents who prepare kids for eternity by living out our answer to this one question . . . a question that can transform our kids’ future:

Will I be the parent I prefer to be OR the parent my kids need me to be?

Our vision determines our verdict. By default, we raise kids the way we prefer – how we were raised. As a young dad, I couldn’t imagine another way because that’s how my dad did it. Sure, I changed some things because we all wished for better when we were kids, but I still parented how I was comfortable . . . how I preferred.

My family’s future transformed not because of a quest to become a great dad, but because of a question that exposed who I really was. Being the parent our kids need starts with asking them. Strap on, though, because they’ll likely tell us what they think. For example, much to my surprise, my son said he needed me to be vulnerable.

Whaaat? Vulnerability isn’t my comfort zone. Not my preference. But parent leadership isn’t what you or I want. It’s not even what our kids want. It’s what our kids need to be faithful. In order to connect with my faith, my son needed to first connect with me.

Our vision also determines our victory. Victory for me is seeing my kids and grandkids feel the warm embrace of a loving, righteous God as they enter heaven. For this to happen, though, I must be what they need. Not what I want. Not what they want. What they need to be faithful.

If we will, we can look back with joy, not do-overs, because over and over we do the parenting version of II Timothy 2:2: “And the things that you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”

P.S. For more blogs and a free gift (“7 key questions your kids wish you had answered sooner”), subscribe at timalba.com.

Questions:  How are your preferences impeding your kids’ future? How well do you know what your kids need to be faithful, and will you commit to be that for them?