Sometimes we miss the joy. In every age and stage, there’s reason to rejoice, even if we have to look hard to find it.

One of my daughter’s joys is sunflowers. Just like my Leslie, sunflowers are bold and beautiful. I can’t pass a field of sunflowers without thinking of her. But sunflowers also remind me of a time when she was a bit of a challenge . . .  a bold beauty needing time to blossom. And now? Oh my, Leslie has blossomed into a beautiful mom who finds joy everywhere, much like her mom.

I hope these next four myths of motherhood help you find joy no matter where you are. For being a mom is sometimes thankless. Often hard. But it’s always a God-given privilege . . . a chance to show joy to kids who are looking to you for proof that God’s love is real when things are anything but a field of sunflowers.

 

10 Myths of Motherhood: #4 – 7:

Myth #4: If you mess up, you’ll mess up your kids

“If I mess up, who knows what my kids will say about me one day in counseling?” If that’s ever you, as gently as I can say this: STOP IT! Your kids’ psyche, like their bones, are way more pliable and mendable that yours. Their bad choices don’t mean you’re a bad mom. They’re just imperfect, like you. Don’t live with regret; live with resolve. And know that how you overcome mistakes can help your kids stay on the path to faithfulness, as they’ll see how to overcome their own mess ups.

Truth #4: If you fess up, you’ll bless up your kids

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’ll do better. Will you forgive me?” Hmmm. Fessing up. What a concept. Don’t let your parenting goal be perfection; make it purification – removing contaminants so that your kids can be spiritually clean. You’re coming clean so that they can be clean. For by fessing up, you’re blessing up your kids. You’re modeling how imperfect sinners connect with a perfect Savior who cleanses them from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Question: When you mess up, do you kick yourself OR use it to bless your kids?

 

Myth #5: Mom always knows best

Moms wear so many hats – doctor, psychiatrist, nutritionist, educator, and more. Everyone assumes you know what to do because that’s what you do – care for everybody’s everything. The problem is that you can’t know everything. You can’t wear every hat. So don’t bear that burden. Instead, turn your questions over to God, who actually does know best. Cast your cares on Him (Ps 55:22, 1 Pet 5:7). Rest in Him (2 Cor 4:16). And don’t lean on your own understanding (Prov 3:5-6).

Truth #5: Mom knows best if she leads herself best

Knowing best requires you to lead yourself best. And leading yourself starts with knowing and aligning with God. Knowledge is key, but knowledge itself puffs up (1 Cor 8:1). Instead, seek applied knowledge – aka wisdom – which God gives to those who obey Him (Prov 2:6-7). Then again, kids follow those they love and respect. Therefore, the best way to get your kids to follow wisely is to love and respect wisely . . . and nobody can do that quite like a mom.

Question: Do you always know best OR do you always learn & align best?

 

Myth #6: You can’t have bad days

When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Still, moms feel the need to always be on because everyone is counting on you. While no child should have to live the rollercoaster of a moody mom, cut yourself some slack. Don’t hold on too tightly to today no matter how good or bad it may be. Instead, remember Ecclesiastes 3:1 – there’s a time and a season for everything, even in the bad days when you need to choose joy because you ain’t happy.

Truth #6: There’s joy in every age & stage

Motherhood isn’t always fun. There’s sleep deprivation, projectile vomiting, teenage drama, and more. But do you wait for the good times before having a good time? Please don’t. Kids grow up too fast. You blink and they’re grown. Rejoice even when you aren’t enjoying today. If you’ll choose joy, you’ll always find it. You may have to look really hard, but it’s there, as long as you let go of past failures and embrace today’s age & stage.

Question: Do you find joy in just the good days OR in every age & stage?

 

Myth #7: You need quiet time for a quiet-time

With all the challenges and demands of being a mom, how do you find time for God? Do you wait for quiet time to have a quiet time? Sadly, quiet rarely happens. Suns rise and suns set, but quiet isn’t in your forecast. You can learn tips and tools, but time with God starts with knowing that quietness is more about your spirit than it is about silence. For when God speaks in your spirit, it’s like nothing else exists . . . time stands still and a noisy world becomes mute.

Truth #7: Experience God throughout your day

Listening is a key to experiencing God. Don’t wait for things to slow down before you listen up. Create margin with disciplines like: Sunrise time (set your alarm early), Lights-out time (just God and you; no TV), Shower time (worship music and Scriptures), and Color time (Bible journal while kids are coloring). These disciplines work, though, only if you listen with discipline throughout your day no matter how loud it gets.

Question: Do you need silence to have a quiet time OR do you listen with discipline?

 

Next time, we’ll unpack the last 3 myths of motherhood: #8 Let the church teach your kids; #9 Give kids plenty of choices; and #10 Counting to 3 gives kids time to obey. And as reminder, these myths and truths come through a partnership with my wife, Anna – the master of finding joy, even when she has to look really hard sometimes to find it.

For more information, check out www.timalba.com. And you’ll find information about my book, Well Done, Mom & Dad!: A Practical Guide to Turn Good Intentions into Godly Legacies (release: Tuesday, September 7), at www.WellDoneMomAndDad.com. You’ll soon find the entire series of 10 Myths of Motherhood and 10 Fallacies of Fatherhood at a phone or computer near you . . .