Jackpot! You married the girl of your dreams . . . a model, at least that’s how you saw her. But now, years later, you’ve gained more than just wisdom. You’ve also gained a few wrinkles and a few pounds. But not your “model” wife, right? (The correct answer is: RIGHT!)
The issue for most men isn’t how to get a girl. It’s how to keep her happy. Happy wife, happy life isn’t just a pithy phrase; it’s proven philosophy. But a happy wife is often harder to find than Waldo because men look for the wrong things – for what men want, not what their wives want.
2 truths. 2 things your wife needs.
No one told me when I young, so I had to learn the hard way about two truths that can keep the girl of your dreams happy . . . insights into what she secretly needs . . . common sense that sadly isn’t so common. These two truths are that your wife needs to feel: 1) attractive and 2) secure.
In the next blog, we’ll explore 5 tips to help your model wife feel secure. But here are 5 tips to help see why, for example, my wife still often takes an hour to get ready in the morning (not five minutes like me) . . . why, after 37 years of marriage, my wife still lights up when I say she’s pretty . . . why she works hard to look good even though I think she’s gorgeous.
My wife’s inner beauty was obvious when I met her 41 years ago, but her little cheerleader outfit didn’t hurt either. Just sayin.’ But knowing that I still think she’s pretty is important to her. And every husband knows that’s true. How do you do it, though, so that your model momma will receive it? Here are 5 tips to help.
5 tips to stay married to a model – by Helping Her Feel Attractive
- See her as a model.
Men, your wife’s perception of her beauty starts with you. After my deep-thinking son broke up with a model, I said, “Son, you need to make a list, a very short list, of the things that you must have in a wife. Not the things you prefer to have. Just the very few non-negotiables that you must have in a spouse. One of those things for you is that she must think deep, like you. And another one is that you have to think she’s hot.”
So why should a dad tell his son to marry a pretty girl? Because his wife will never believe she’s pretty if he doesn’t believe it. And if he doesn’t believe it then, what will happen when years pass and appearances change? I wasn’t telling him to pursue vanity; I was preparing him to adore what’s inside and admire what’s outside, no matter how she looks. Then again, I’ve learned that even when my wife doesn’t feel pretty, she’ll believe it if I do.
- Tell your kids she’s hot.
At my parents’ 60th anniversary, I told my mom something that my kids will never forget: “Mom, when I looked for a wife, I looked for someone just like you, except hot.” Although my mom is beautiful in every way, no boy thinks his mom is hot. Still, I’ve never stopped telling my kids that their mom is hot. For years they got grossed out (one of the joys of parenting!), but as they matured, my kids loved it. And my sons now do the same with their wives.
So why should a dad tell his kids that their mom is hot? Because I want to adorn them with the jewel of knowing I’ll always love my wife (Ephesians 5:22). No need to trade her in for a newer, shiny model because I already have one. Still, thinking it isn’t enough. For my sons to do the same with their wives, they needed to constantly hear it, along with the next tip – constantly see it.
- Woo her long after winning her.
Nearly every guy works hard to win a girl’s heart, but few work hard to keep it. Her heart is a treasure, not a trophy. A true treasure is pursued, discovered, and cherished for a lifetime. A trophy, on the other hand, is earned, set on a shelf, and soon ignored while you pursue the next trophy.
To woo someone is to zealously seek their affection and favor. Initially, I wooed Anna to win her. But I’m learning to not wane in wooing, even though I’ve won her affection and favor for a lifetime. Yes, I still do stupid things. We all make withdrawals from our spouse’s emotional bank account. But are you still wooing her long after winning her?
- Buy flowers when it counts most.
Few things drain a couple’s mojo like using affection as a transaction. He gives love to earn her sex. She gives sex to earn his love. It’s a vicious cycle leading to a slow, stealthy death. No wonder divorces most often happen in year 7 or 8. They transact. They exchange. They trade. They swap. They take turns, without ever truly becoming one.
That’s why I started routinely buying flowers for Anna, but kept the reason a secret. She loved those flowers, but I finally told her my secret – I bought them when she was on her period. Why? Because it couldn’t possibly be a transaction. I bought them when they counted the most . . . when I couldn’t get anything back, except a joy-filled wife who loved me even more.
- Be manly, not macho.
In one of the most shocking aha moments of my life, I learned that girls want manly, not macho. Whew! I had a shot. Before then, I believed the lie that women want burly. So I lifted weights and acted tough. Sure, a guy’s appearance can help or hurt his cause, but, far more, Anna wanted me to make her laugh, share her life passions, connect with her heart, and act like a man.
Anna wishes that I would love Hallmark movies, use both sides of my brain simultaneously, and cry at the drop of a hat like her. But God didn’t wire me that way. Anna wants those things, but she needs a godly husband who complements and completes her like God intended.
Then again, everyone can be a model. Maybe not photographed for a career, but everyone can model what it’s like to know they’re adored by God and adorned with the jewel of His blessings. We can believe it because God believes it, and because we know that: He sees as His model, He tells us so in the Bible, He keeps on wooing us, He gives us what we need when it counts most, and His Son showed us how to be manly, not macho.
Questions: Husbands, what are you doing to help your wife feel attractive, while not tying her worth to her physical appearance? Wives, how are you making it easy for your man to see your inner beauty, not just your outer beauty?
P.S. For a creative idea for Christmas, please consider getting your family & friends their own copy of Well Done, Mom & Dad!: A Practical Guide to Turn Good Intentions into Godly Legacies (click here). It’s a practical gift that can bless families and generations to come.
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