Be careful what you wish for. Many a man marries a hot girl, but gets a hot mess. Instead of wondering what’s wrong with her, though, he should first look at himself.
Too often, he’s made one of two fatal mistakes. Either he stopped convincing her that he thinks she’s attractive, or he stopped helping her feel secure. Or both. It’s not even that he did something terribly wrong. He could have simply not proactively done what she needs to believe it. And nearly every wife, no matter how attractive she may be, needs to feel secure.
Last time, we reviewed 5 tips to stay married to a model by helping her feel attractive. This blog provides 5 more model-worthy tips that give her an overwhelming sense of security. Yes, this involves physical and financial security, but we’ll unpack 5 tips for the emotional security she needs just as much. For to stay married to the model you knew you couldn’t live without, you need to give her the security she can’t live without.
5 more tips to stay married to a model – By Helping Her Feel Secure
- Prioritize her, even over your kids
If a man learns one thing about his wife’s need for security, let it be that she knows she’s his #1 priority after God. More than work. More than success. More than the kids. You sacrifice so much for kids, but kids need to understand how priorities cascade to them. Dad’s love for God overflows to his love for his wife, which, in turn, overflows to his kids. God – 1; Wife – 2; Kids – 3.
When a man desperately loves his Lord and his wife, he’s modeling God’s priorities: “Husbands, love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).
- Be her defender
Nobody messes with my wife. Not even my kids. Why? Because I’m her defender. Anna’s biggest threat to our kids was “wait ‘til your father comes home!” It was the spousal version of what happened when a teacher threatened my daughter. They begged me to not confront the teacher. Seriously?! I was nice, but let’s just say that the teacher and her boss understood how that could never happen again! Why? Because I’m my family’s defender, starting with my wife.
Defending my wife starts with defending my purity. I also must defend my time, especially at work. And I must defend her from big things (like not causing her to relive painful memories) and things that seem small (like killing spiders) because this helps her feel secure.
- Brag about her behind her back
Security is all about trust. If you want your wife’s unquestioned trust, profusely brag about her behind her back. I’ve heard countless friends and coworkers complain about their wives. It’s like a competition of whose wife harps most. I get it. But I have two words for you: Stop it!
But what if your wife isn’t the sweetest person you know? It doesn’t matter. You’re called to be the biblical leader of your home. Find what’s already praiseworthy about her and brag on that. Constantly. Sincerely. Clandestinely. And although she won’t hear every compliment behind her back, she’ll hear nuggets and feel the security of being cared for and validated.
- Honor her family
Sure, you love your wife, but what about her family? It’s not enough to put up with them. You must honor them, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. Why? Because she’ll gain something else she needs – certainty. For if you’ll love her family regardless of their quirks, you’ll certainly love her despite any of her quirks. I’m not talking about trust. Trust is earned, but honor is given. You don’t even have to trust her family, but you certainly need to honor them.
It’s a practical example of how God designed marriage. We leave parents and cleave to each other (Gen 2:24), but we can’t abandon, disrespect, and stop loving parents. Period. So even though mother-in-law jokes can be funny, those seeds turn into thorns, without the roses.
- Use a communication recipe
5 cups of listening, 2 cups of vulnerability, and a dash of explaining. That’s a recipe for how I want to communicate with my wife. Everyone has an unwritten recipe they know they should follow, but few actually do. Instead, we use too much explaining – a recipe for humble pie.
Great security requires great communication. Open. Honest. Vulnerable. Discerning. Inquisitive. Caring. Personalized. All are important ingredients for creating favorite family recipes. Ironically, I call Anna “the master of the simple recipe” because she turns simple food recipes into great meals. So too, her simple ways of communicating help me want to secure her with love.
Questions: Men, how are you prioritizing, defending, bragging, honoring, and communicating with your wife? How well are you giving her feel the security she needs? Ladies, how can you communicate so that he doesn’t have to read your mind on how to meet those needs?
P.S. If you found this blog helpful, please subscribe at www.timalba.com and get your own copy of Well Done, Mom & Dad!: A Practical Guide to Turn Good Intentions into Godly Legacies (click here). It’s a practical gift that can bless your family and future generations.
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