“How’d you do it?” I can only imagine how often my wife hears that question, along with, “How did you get a trophy husband?” Maybe not those exact words, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Well, if you know us, you’d know the irony of that idea. You’d know I’m not younger than Anna; we were born on the same day. You’d know she didn’t get a looker; she got a man who loves looking at her. She didn’t marry a model or a bodybuilder; she helped me become a role model who builds a family. And she didn’t want a man who loves making money; she wanted a man who loves giving money away. Thankfully, not even my baldness or bad jokes deter her from seeing me like any wife can see her own husband – as a trophy.

Anna didn’t marry a trophy husband; she created one, largely by choosing to see me as one. Having a trophy husband has little to do with your man; instead, it has everything to do with you and how you live out I Peter 3:1 – transforming him through your pure, respectful behavior. It’s making him feel like a trophy husband, which causes him to treat you like a trophy wife. Here are five tips to help virtually any wife get a trophy husband without replacing the one she already has.

5 tips to get a trophy husband (without replacing the one you have)

  1. See him like a trophy husband.

First, see your man as a prized trophy long before he’s much more than a participation trophy – what he can be, not who he is. See in him what you want him to see in you. And believe the best when his best isn’t that great. Although “seeing is believing” applies in many areas, don’t use it here . . . or you’ll likely get a husband who participates, but rarely serves and leads.

  1. Treat him like a trophy husband.

If you want your man to be a trophy, lift him up like a trophy. Display him like you won him and want to show him off. Not because he’s earned it, but because he’s learned it from you. Sadly, atrophy of relationships is a common result when men aren’t treated like a trophy. Nope, it’s not fair, but if you don’t help your husband, your marriage will likely shrivel up from inactivity.

  1. Trust him like a trophy husband.

Trust is like faith – “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Sometimes, you have to trust your husband when there’s little evidence and even less hope. Will you risk believing in him even when you can’t see it in him? Getting a trophy involves a little risk. So when he messes up, don’t bust him. Trust him.

  1. Speak about him like a trophy husband.

One of the best gifts you can give your kids is saying great things about your husband. Not just saying great things to him; saying great things about him behind his back. Virtually nothing makes a trophy shine like polishing. So too, your husband is a reflection of your countenance. What do you see when you look at him? If you’ll keep polishing him, he’ll reflect your joy.

  1. Pray for him like a trophy husband.

The best way to get a trophy husband, though, is to pray for him. Ask God to re-engage you with the man who asked you to get engaged to him. Prayer changed things because it moves the heart of God, who moves the hearts of men. No amount of logic, nagging, crying, begging, or guilt can change a husband’s hard heart. But prayer can. Don’t put prayer on the shelf like a neglected trophy. Get it out and buff it until your husband shines like the day he asked you to marry him.

Trophy love

That’s “trophy love” – treating your spouse like a trophy no matter how they respond. Trophy love sees beyond today’s reality. It treats well regardless of what’s earned. It trusts despite little evidence. It speaks grace when your spouse can’t hear. And it prays, believing God can and will. Trophy love also helps your kids make the most important decision of their lives – to become God’s trophy by receiving His gift of eternal life (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Questions: Ladies, how can you help your husband believe he’s a trophy? And, men, how can you help your wife believe it’s worth the effort to try?