It’s not until you become a parent yourself that you realize how much parents give their kids. Looking back, I see how my mom gives unending love, undeserved patience, and unmatched enchiladas. And my dad is still simply the most humble, giving man I know.

Despite few words, Dad’s generosity spoke volumes. Whatever he had, he gave. To friends, Dad gave free repairs, financial sacrifices, yard work, anything to bless them. To his kids, though, he also gave something else . . . the best gift a dad can give his kids – he loved his wife.

As a kid, I didn’t think much about it. I assumed all dads loved their wives. I couldn’t imagine any other way. But I grew to realize that Dad’s love of Mom was more than a biblical mandate. It was a gift to his kids.

Like my dad, I’m no marriage expert. But my kids know that, other than loving God, loving their mom is my #1 gift to them. As do most parents, Anna and I fed and clothed our kids. Changed diapers and changed attitudes. Encouraged and challenged. Listened and taught. Still, other than helping my kids choose saving faith for themselves, my main focus as a dad was loving my wife.

Therefore, the following note from my son was one of the greatest compliments I’ve received:

“I admire how you love and seek Mom. I never doubted your love for her. You made sure we knew it too, something most kids never get to see. You would come home, flowers in hand, surprising Mom as she bursts into a huge smile. It was a blessing having that consistency and example in my life.”

My goal was to be like my dad, who was more than just a great role model. Dad was real. Unwavering in love, unpretentious in spirit, and uncompromising in principles. Here are five tips to help any dad become a real dad who consistently gives this gift to his kids.

5 gift-giving tips for loving your wife

  1. Share your heart

Real dads are transparent without losing their manhood. Connect where your wife lives by sharing your heart, expecting nothing in return. Giving isn’t reciprocating. For example (warning … it’s about to get real), what my son later learned was that I bought flowers when Anna was on her period. Why? Because she knew I wasn’t giving to get; I was simply bringing Momma joy. A happy wife doesn’t guarantee a happy life . . . but it sure helps.

  1. Sacrifice your treasure

The test of a real dad isn’t the dream he’ll pursue to be happy; it’s the dream he’ll sacrifice to be faithful. Many dads give their best at work, but give leftovers at home. Giving leftovers, though, isn’t giving. Giving is sacrificing. Giving costs time, effort, and thought.  Money isn’t the issue; meaningfulness is. What Momma wants to see (but may never say) is sacrifice that demonstrates real love.

  1. Surrender your pride

Real dads are stubborn with standards, yet harmonious with humility. Let’s face it, men are proud creatures who want respect, even more than love (Eph. 5:33). Add to that a yearning for strength, power, and control, and it’s no wonder why many marriages struggle. Momma doesn’t need her man to act like her in order to connect with her. She needs him to surrender his pride so that he never surrenders his love of God and her.

  1. Shower your generosity

Real dads live in abundance, not scarcity. Whether financially rich or poor, they shower their families with generosity – the overflow of character. They don’t hoard or hold back. They give. Freely. Joyfully. Immediately. Continually. Liberally. Not a sprinkling, spattering, or smidge; a real dad’s love for his wife is a showering, a downpour, a flood of infectious thankfulness that Momma adores every day and kids learn to appreciate one day.

  1. Sharpen your bond

Real dads never stop pursuing their wives. Like sharpening a pencil, they always have a point –loving their kids well by loving their wives well. Too many men pursue a woman to marry, yet spend their lives chasing other pursuits. You’re not giving up your dreams; you’re dreaming of a godly family secure in dad’s unwavering, unpretentious, uncompromising love.

In conclusion, kids need to know Momma, not them, is #1. In addition to a dad who loves them, they need a mom who feels loved by dad. Then kids will know how to love and receive love – a far greater gift than fancy clothes, fast cars, or financial inheritances . . . a gift they can never repay except to give it to their own kids one day.

Questions: If you’re a dad, in which of these five tips are you the best and, more importantly, in which do you need the most improvement? If you’re a mom, how could you make it easier for your husband to become a dad whose kids want to be like him one day?