When exactly do you stop parenting? Is it when kids stop listening? When they graduate? When they have their own kids and realize you’re smarter than they thought? As a dad of three adult kids, I now know the answer: Never.

Whether 5, 35, or 85 years old, we all need to choose the beliefs that funnel into our lives. Parents can’t badger or beg kids into doing so. We have to lead. By helping kids choose what pours into their lives, we help them want what pours out.

For example, we’d like to pick our kids’ friends, but that’s a recipe for rebellion. Instead, through servant leadership, we guide them in deciding what they want from relationships, which, in turn, helps them choose great friends. Why? Because we can’t cram something down their throats and wonder why they choke on it. Our job is to prepare kids to want real faith when they’re adults. That’s what my daughter did seven months after our family vacation . . .

A “Bold” preparation

Before a fun family vacation, I gave our adult kids and their spouses an exercise. Using a list of 400+ character qualities (sorted A to Z), each couple picked one word from each letter that they wanted to define their family’s character. For example, my daughter’s A word was Authentic, B was Bold, and eventually Zealous for Z. We laughed and affirmed each couple’s list of 26 character qualities, but what still gives me chills happened seven months later.

For when my daughter shared her list, she announced she was pregnant with our first grandchild. Seven months later when Cade Bolder Medlin was born, it hit me. She had picked “Bold” for B because she wanted her family to be bold for Christ . . . so she named him Bolder. Wowww! While I can’t promise grandkids from funneling your kids’ beliefs, I can promise that it will change your family. Our little Cade Bolder is living proof.

The goal of funneling beliefs is oneness. Not sameness. Not forcing, copying, or begging. Oneness allows plenty of room for individual expression, but aligns families around a want-to for godly beliefs. Unique, yet united. Relevant, yet related. Many components, yet one core.

Oneness starts with openness, as we saw in the blog: “Bonding with our kids’ hearts.” Once kids are open, though, don’t let the world fill in their life funnels. Fill them with beliefs that put them on the path to faithfulness. Why? Because what flows in will eventually flow out. Here are three steps to help your kids choose what they let flow in, so that they want what flows out.

3 steps to funnel our kids’ beliefs

  1. Help kids want to position their own life funnel

The first step may seem simple, but it’s profoundly important – help kids want to position their own life funnel. Young kids want to please, so they often let us choose for them. But that doesn’t last long. Our influence stops sinking in because they stop receiving it. Sometimes it’s due to rebellion, but often it’s because of a stealthier problem – they simply go with the flow.

Even bad choices are better than going with the flow because bad choices can be redirected. But it’s nearly impossible to fix the default consequences of not choosing. (My upcoming book, Well Done, Mom & Dad!, shows you how.) Once kids are willing to choose, they’re ready to receive beliefs that nourish their soul – the second step.

  1. Help kids want to let us pour in our godly beliefs

Kids need our influence, but do they want it? They’re open to the beliefs of whoever they connect with, whether it’s us or their friends. Therefore, we need to pursue their connection, not their compliance. Their receptivity, not their approval.

Rather than fighting our kids over who’s right, fight their spiritual enemy who’s wrong. Don’t demand, draw. Lovingly lead and graciously guide so that they let us prime their pump with our beliefs. And, in turn, they’ll receive what God wants to pour into them – the third step.

  1. Help kids want to pour in their own godly beliefs

Godly beliefs are birthed by our modeling and communicating, but they grow when kids have a thirst for godliness with their own unique flair. For example, Bolder wasn’t on my list of 400 character qualities to choose from, but Bolder is my daughter’s unique expression of godly beliefs.

Thankfully, my daughter isn’t copy my beliefs. She’s doing something far better – she’s boldly preparing her son to enjoy the greatest of all experiences – oneness in heaven (Philemon 8, Eph 3:11-12, II Cor 3:11-12, Heb 10:19).

Questions:

In reality, are you forcing beliefs on your kids, or are you facilitating your kids’ desire for godliness? How well are you preparing your kids to experience oneness in heaven?