Adversity and comfort are the great chiselers of character.

Our choices amidst life’s greatest challenges say everything about us. Tough times, though, don’t have to lop off chunks of your soul. They can reveal all kinds of possibilities. Like the sculptor, Michelangelo, you can see the “angel” in the marble and chisel until you set it free.

The two Exodus spies, Joshua and Caleb, chiseled a new nation because God had already chiseled their character. They feared their God, not their giant enemies, which chiseled their choices . . . which is why I named my sons Joshua and Caleb – to pass down a legacy of choosing to choose.

Comfort also reveals something equally important. While tough times can drive us to God, good times can slowly, unknowingly pull us away. Joshua’s challenges didn’t stop after he conquered the Promised Land. They intensified, because his nation’s choices waned after their adversity waned. Then again, comfort will always be our enemy unless we use it to chisel away our sin. Whether we’re facing adversity or comfort, we must never forget the need to choose.

The stealthy-ness of this need became humorously obvious as we drove home after church one Sunday. My pre-teen sons were squabbling, as usual, until their teenage sister and I began debating. Because I’m all about choosing, I looked in the rear view mirror and said, “Hey, Leslie, what did you think about Pastor’s sermon today? Pretty cool, huh? All about choosing!”

In her usual denial of my “outstanding” counsel, Leslie replied, “No, it wasn’t about choosing.”

“Sure it was,” I replied.

“No it wasn’t, Dad!”

“Well, Les, what do you think it was about?”

“It was about choices.”

The rest of us, of course, burst out in laughter. My godly daughter had missed the point. But, sadly, so do I when I fail to realize the need to choose, the power of choosing, and the profound impact choices have upon family. Our choices define us. That’s why Choices is my “C” character quality, instead of: Captivate, Care, Challenge, Cheerful, Christ-like, Commit, Communicate, Compelling, Confident, Consistent, Contented, Courageous, Courteous, or Curious.

Godly legacies are birthed in Authenticity and Beliefs, but they need another character quality to reach maturity: Choices – the proof of character.

Choices:  The proof of character

I can’t know your intent, but I can know your character because I can see your choices. I can influence, instruct, and inspire you. I can model and minister unto you. But I can’t choose for you. Only you can choose. Therefore, I need to remember my role as a parent. It’s not to make my kids’ choices; it’s to make it easy for them to choose well.

While Anna and I messed up many things as parents, we made sure our kids did one thing – they had to choose. I preferred deliberate, bad choices over the abyss of default choices. Deliberate choices allow you to reflect and redirect to a better path, no matter how dark today’s path may be.

One of my heroes is Dr. Viktor Frankl, the Nazi concentration camp survivor. Frankl said that when stripped to your bare nakedness, you still have the ability to choose. He chose his response when other prisoners surrendered theirs. He lost everything, but he refused to be a victim. Instead, Frankl is proof that you can always choose to choose.

Frankl’s example inspired one my favorite parenting memories – creating our family’s Declaration of Him-dependence – a family covenant to God. Two decades later, it’s still prominently displayed in our home, along with photos of us signing it in 1776-looking white wigs, black robes, and feather pens. These goofy photos forged bonding memories of a family that chooses to choose.

Are all of our choices great? Of course not. We’ve learned the hard way too. Many of our greatest lessons have been learned through disappointments and failures caused by bad choices. Some of those failures were ours and others were caused by other people’s poor choices. Either way, though, we’re not victims. We choose to learn. We choose to choose.

I’m also learning something I wish I had realized earlier – we must un-choose. We must stop doing what got us here in order to get somewhere better. Wanting better is good, but where’s the proof? Are your choices forging godly character in you and others? They will if they’re resolute, not just resolutions; conclusive, not just conclusions; and affirming, not just affirmations.

Three of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to expect them to choose, empower them to choose, and equip them to choose. And then hold them accountable. Every choice won’t be perfect, but if we prepare our kids to choose, we can create a chain of choices that creates a pattern of proof that creates generations of faithful character. If you will, you’re preparing your kids to pass down a legacy of proven character, chiseled by both adversity and comfort.

What’s your “C” character quality?

Click here for a Free Printable Workbook with instructions and 300 sample character qualities to pick your 26 A-to-Z words. I hope my Authentic-to-Zealous Secret Sauce encourages you to take a practical step toward passing down a godly legacy to your kids.

Questions: What proof would your kids say exists of your God-honoring choices? What “C” word represents the character you want for your family, and why?