Integrity does the right thing, even when others won’t, can’t, or attack you for trying.

Leadership can be lonely, but leading with integrity puts a target on your chest. Integrity is a light that exposes darkness, and darkness will do anything to avoid the light. It’s happened to me too. I’ve been falsely accused of fraud, lies, deceit, and more. I had a church leader say that a team I was leading was “led by Satan.” Despite facing intimidating emails, t-shirts, decorated vans, and more, though, I’ve found joy. Why? Because we serve for God’s applause, not man’s applause.

Anyone can be accused, but will people believe you? They will if you’re above reproach (I Tim. 3:2, Titus 1:7). For example, while auditing a company, I was accused of being “godlike, arrogant, and rude” and nearly fired. Thankfully, I uncovered millions of dollars of lies before meeting with my accuser’s boss. Oh, how I wanted to squash my accuser like a bug, but I had to choose the high road because the only integrity I can control is mine. And, amazingly, my accuser’s boss soon hired me for his leadership team . . . which taught me this simple truth:

Accusers will stoop to any level, but integrity will always stand tall.

The letter “I” has great options for your A-to-Z Secret Sauce of character quality: Imaginative, Influence, Ingenious, Initiative, Inquisitive, Inspiring, Instiller, Integrity, Intelligent, Interdependent, Intriguing, Invigorate, etc. Still, I love that all my kids chose Integrity as their “I” word because they all want their family to be defined by integrity – the credibility of character.

Integrity:  The credibility of character

If there’s one quality worth pursuing, it’s integrity. Everything begins and ends with the integrity to tell the truth and instill trust. Yes, integrity looks different to everyone, but seeing a group filled with integrity is like looking at a family photo. The physical characteristics may differ, but the resemblance is remarkable.

Typical definitions of integrity include:  Conduct conforming to an accepted standard of right and wrong; Devotion to telling the truth; and Faithfulness to high moral standards. People of integrity strive to be trustworthy, honest, moral, decent, upright, and virtuous.  They keep earning credibility chips, even though they don’t need them.

Integrity isn’t one big belief; it’s a culture of believable choices. It acts the same in every situation at work and home. For if you know that I’ll never lie for you, you’ll also know that I’m never lying to you. So too, in our parenting seminars, we tell parents to not try to talk their way out of problems they act their way into. Integrity, like a shadow, follows you everywhere.

Kids look for credibility markers of trust and confidence, as do team members. For example, integrity was one of my former work team’s six guiding principles. Another work team crafted a Declaration of Inter-dependence, which included “pursue Christ-like integrity.” And when my family created our Declaration of Him-Dependence, my son wanted to include “when no one is there to watch” because he had often heard me say: “the true test of a man is what he does when he’s out of town alone in a hotel room when no one is there to watch.”

Integrity is doing what you say you’ll do, at the right times, in the right ways, for the right reasons. Integrity in your principles is crucial, but so is integrity in the process.

Integrity in the process

People need credibility they can count on – in your mission and your method. Don’t let your message be missed because your method is misguided. Your great intentions must be highly intentional too. In order to trust you, people need both a credible what and a credible how. People need to trust you in order to entrust you with their trust.

Thus, even after their death, Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, Walter Cronkite, and Tom Landry are often listed among the most trusted people because they were honorable and reliable in both their what and their how. Their life callings varied, but they shared the credibility of integrity, the expectation of integrity, and the passionate pursuit of integrity – a core value they lived to the core.

That’s why I’m proud that the only two character qualities picked by all four couples of our family were authentic and integrity – two qualities we’ll take to heaven and leave behind on earth. For when we live our chosen qualities with integrity, we’re both down to earth and above reproach, even when no one is watching . . . even when others won’t, can’t, or attack you for trying.

What’s your “I” character quality?

In order to help you choose, share, and live out your own A-to-Z Secret Sauce of family character, click here for a Free Printable Workbook with instructions and 300 sample A-to-Z character qualities to choose from.

Questions: How do you try to live with the credibility that enables others to entrust you with their trust? What “I” word captures the essence of the character you want for your family, and why?