Obedience joyfully submits, no matter how unjoyful and unsubmissive you feel.

Obedience starts at home. I hated obedience as a kid, but as a young parent it’s my favorite. With all the complaining, eye-rolling, and stonewalling that come with kids, it’s no wonder obedience is our Heavenly Father’s favorite too (1 Sam. 15:22).

I wish it was as simple as instructing kids and watching them joyfully obey. But that’s too farfetched for even Fantasy Island and The Twilight Zone. When my kids acted up in church, I put my arm around them and slowly squeezed the muscle between their neck and shoulder. Instant results and no scars. Perfect combo. But instilling obedient hearts is far more than discipline.

Obedience is a godly habit based on a godly heart. It’s the outpouring of love: “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands” (2 John 6). Obedience is more than acceptance. Are you preparing your kids to align with, or just accept, God’s Word? Are you positioning them for intimacy with God’s love, agreement with His purpose, and awareness of His presence. Are you helping them avoid the scars of sin through a heart of obedience – the position of character?

Obedience:  The position of character

My young kids knew two things about me: 1) I was an accountant and 2) I never counted to three. The first was my chosen profession; the second, my chosen position. The first paid for their future; the second paved the way a bright future. Many parents count to three, giving extra time to obey. If that’s you, though, you’re missing the point that delayed obedience is disobedience.

For our “O” Secret Sauce character quality, we choose obedient because it’s like a fire starter log to ignite a burning passion for God . . . as long as it positions them to trust Him. I used to tell my kids, “Don’t wait until you agree with me before you obey me.” Obedience, along with a heartfelt “Yes, sir,” defused a whole lot of problems. And God wants the same. God wants a heartfelt, “Yes, Sir,” followed immediately by heartfelt obedience to His will.

Compulsion vs Compelling

A boxing champion was asked why his opponent’s head was always in the same position when he knocked them out. The champ replied, “Because I hit it there.” Well, you can’t hit your kids where you want them to go, but you can position them to be receptive. And obedience is all about receptivity, not compulsion. Compulsion complies, but receptivity compels.

Compulsion does what it must do to avoid a worse outcome; compelling does what it can do for a greater outcome. Compliance beats non-compliance, but compelling parents live out Philemon 14: “But without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness would not be, in effect, by compulsion but of your own free will.” Compelling parents help kids know how to obey . . . and want to. They help kids choose joyful obedience for themselves.

God doesn’t count to three. Instead, He says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1). But kids also need grace to see how to obey out of love: “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands” (2 John 1:6). We’re blessed by obeying His Word (Luke 11:28). We take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5b). “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, for this applies to every person” (Eccl. 12:13).

Obedience is so powerful because it does what’s right when it makes no sense. Obedience stands when we kneel, and it rises when we submit. It won’t conform to this world because it conforms to the image of God. It submits to God’s call upon you, God’s Word in you, God’s principles for you, God’s leaders over you, and God’s family through you.

Obedience isn’t what you command from others; it’s what you cultivate in yourself. It’s how you stay full with a spirit-filling God (Eph. 5:18). You’re demonstrating it, not demanding it, and exhibiting it before expecting it, so that your kids can emulate it and experience it for themselves . . . not live a life of complaining, eye-rolling, and stonewalling.

What’s your “O” character quality?

Examples of “O” character qualities are: Obedient, Observant, Open, Open-minded, Opportune, Optimistic, Orderly, Original, Outdo, Outstanding, Overcomer, Overflowing, and Ownership. Pick one (or your own) to help you pass down a godly legacy to your kids. Click here for a Free Printable Workbook with instructions on how to choose your family’s 26 A-to-Z Secret Sauce.

Questions: How could you better position your family with a joyful spirit of obedience? What “O” character quality do you want for your family, and why?