Your kids are like you on steroids. For good and bad, they take your character to extremes.

If you described your kids in five words, how would you describe them? When Anna and I did this, we came up with eight qualities (because two words were shared):

Integrity, Authentic,

Passionate, Purposeful, Undaunted,

Creative, Musical, Relational

These eight words not only paint a portrait of our kids, but also reveal a life-changing lesson – that your kids are like you on steroids. Yes, kids often bear a family resistance. The above photos of my son and my dad prove that. But my son also resembles my dad’s character. So too, all of my kids carry on many of the quirks and qualities that they inherited. The amazing part is watching them embrace and express those qualities with their own unique flair.

Integrity and Authentic – our two shared words – flowed from helping our kids make godly character qualities uniquely theirs! Three of their common qualities – Passionate, Purposeful, and Undaunted – came from my desire for them to know whose they are, how God created them, and why they must choose. And the qualities of Creative, Musical, and Relational were born from Anna, the master of expressive love and teachable moments. Each child also has unique qualities, but they especially share one of God’s greatest qualities:  Relational – the conduit of character.

Relational:  The conduit of character

It’s said that the most important word in the English language is relationships. Well, that sounds good, but I think that’s wrong. Close but no cigar. Relationships is a noun – a person (who), place (where), or thing (what). Relationships can be good or bad, warm or cold, personal or impersonal. They can even be neutral. Relationships are key, but we need a channel for conveying deeper, lasting, and more meaningful relationships. We need to be relational.

Relational is relationships on steroids. Relational isn’t a noun; it’s an adjective – it’s who you are, regardless of where you are or what you face. It’s how you turn good intentions into full attention. My daughter, Leslie, calls it “present.” When you’re with Leslie, she’s fully present. She engages in you, where you are, and what you’re feeling. She’s like her relational mother on steroids.

Are you relational? Until my little Southern belle wife came along, I wasn’t.  But when I met Anna, I suddenly wanted to be relational. Funny how that works. And four decades later, we’re still relational because Anna is still my girlfriend. So too, we’re still relational with God because He’s still our Lord. Thus, relational is our “R” Secret Sauce quality.

Even more encouraging to me, though, was how my kids chose “R” character words. With an incredibly transparent, impactful approach to relationships, Leslie and Ryan chose “Riskfully-refreshing.” Indeed, they’re invigorating conduits of God’s love.

Josh and Robyn chose “Restorative” due to their huge hearts for people (and pets). They’re conduits of healing, not judging. And even though Caleb and Emily hadn’t seen my 26 A-to-Z character qualities, they chose “Relational.” Then again, that’s how they live – as conduits of profound, sustaining relationships with each other, with family/friends, and with a relational God.

Thankfully, you don’t have to be naturally relational in order to live relationally. It’s a skill honed, not a skill born. It’s not just for extroverts or experts. It’s a choice anyone can make, regardless of personality or circumstances . . . a lens through which you can reveal priorities, a filter you can use to screen out lesser priorities, and a funnel to pour in the greatest priorities.

Yes, I’m shamelessly biased, but I see relational in my kids’ eight common qualities. No, my kids don’t live out these qualities all the time. No one chooses well all the time (plus they’re like me on steroids for bad too). But my kids resemble these eight qualities because they’re a child of a Heavenly Father who created these qualities . . . a Father who doesn’t need steroids.

In what ways are your kids like you on steroids – for good and bad? What qualities of theirs are extensions of yours? Do relationships flow through their veins and pump life into their friendships? The choice to be relational is theirs, but it starts with you being relational with them.

What’s your “R” character quality?

Your “R” character quality might be: Redeemed, Refreshing, Relational, Reliable, Repenting, Resolute, Resourceful, Respectful, Responsible, Restrained, Resurrected, Reverent, or Role-model. If you want to pass down a Secret Sauce of family character to your kids, click here for a Free Printable Workbook with instructions and 300 sample A-to-Z character qualities.

Questions: How are your relationships acting as a conduit to improve your kids’ relationships? What “R” word depicts the character you want for your family, and why?