Your ability to change well determines your opportunity to live well.

Is change good or is it bad? It depends. Proverbs 24:21 says, “Do not associate with those who are given to change.” But Romans 12:2 says to keep on being “transformed by the renewing of your mind.” So how can both be true? The trick is discerning which one applies at any given time.

Some things never change – death, taxes, and every generation thinking it’s the smartest. And in some ways, that’s true. Knowledge of science and technology grow constantly, but knowledge is not the same as wisdom. Knowledge enables change, but wisdom applies it with both the roots of unchanging character and the fruits of transforming character. Thus, the “T” of my A-to-Z Secret Sauce of character is Transforming – the metamorphosis of character.

Transforming:  The metamorphosis of character

The journey of transformation is much like the journey of butterflies. A tiny egg transitions into a caterpillar that eats and eats, silently storing up food for later use. To become a butterfly, though, it first becomes a cocoon – a period of apparent dormancy (yet with rapid transformation on the inside) that eventually bursts forth into a beautiful butterfly.

Transformative change doesn’t happen overnight either. It starts small and silent, crawling before it flies. It needs constant nutrition, especially early, to draw from later. It may even look like a cocoon with nothing growing outside, while morphing inside. And when it bursts forth, healthy transformative change floats and soars in beautiful ways.

Kids are butterflies in the making, if only we could see them that way. Too often, we see kids as just caterpillars because we’re too busy, too tired, and too frustrated. But what if we started seeing kids like how God sees them – for whom they can morph into? Here are four types of change and why three of them prevent us from seeing the transformation possible in our kids:

4 types of change:  Insanity, Absurdity, Naivety, and Transforming

  1. Doing the same ol’ things in the same ol’ ways, and hoping for better. That’s insanity.
  2. Doing different things in the same ol’ ways, and expecting better. That’s absurdity.
  3. Doing the same ol’ things in different ways, and assuming better. That’s naivety.
  4. Doing different things in different ways, and getting better. That’s transforming.

Insanity can be easy to see in others. Absurdity and naivety, though, are even more dangerous because different things and different ways feel good, but, by themselves, they leave you distant, frustrated, and unfulfilled. That might be acceptable in some jobs, but not in families. Every child deserves transforming parents. Anything less would be insanity, absurdity, or naivety.

For what is the result of being transformed in Romans 12:2? It’s approving and proving God’s will. It’s fulfillment – being immersed in, infatuated with, building according to, bowing before, standing atop, and relying upon God’s good, perfect, and pleasing will – starting with your family.

Families and life come with two options – grow or die. We not only should change, we must change. We can’t hunker down with what we know and like. We can’t stay in a cocoon forever. Cocoons protect you for a season, but they exist to transition you to a better life. As Dr. Nathan Jones said, it’s the result of always making new mistakes. Not different versions of the same ol’ mistakes and not being afraid of new things and new ways that keep us on a mission to fulfill our God-given mission. Transformation is the destination of countless little steps.

Granted, not all change is good, but God-honoring change always transforms us. “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17). And that happens by replacing old, comfortable ways with new, transforming ways . . . by agreeing with God, not man (Mark 1:14-15, Acts 17:29-31).

Putting your family on the path to transformation starts with you changing. But the change that truly transforms comes from a change-less God who can turn ugly ol’ caterpillars like us into beautiful butterflies that fly. That’s not insanity, absurdity, or naivety. That’s transforming!

What’s your “T” character quality?

Is your family’s “T” character quality Tactful, Teachable, Teacher, Tenacious, Tender, Timeless, Thankful, Thoughtful, Thriving, Trainer, Transforming, Transparent, Trustworthy, Truthful, or something else? Click here for a Free Printable Workbook, instructions on choosing your 26 A-to-Z Secret Sauce ingredients, and 300 sample A-to-Z character qualities to choose from.

Questions: How are you letting God use you to transform your family’s character? What “T” word denotes the character you want for your family, and why?