As a boy, I wasn’t just playing Batman. I was Batman. With ultra-cool cape, mask, and belt, Batman prowled the yard in search of villains and two older sisters. Soon, though, reality began sinking in . . . because I had no bat mobile.
As a parent, the trick is shaping our kids’ dreams without forcing ours or crushing theirs. To help them never stop dreaming. Growing up without giving up. Ever increasing, yet imagining far more.
Our dreams (and how we pursue them) tell our kids more about us than any lecture or lesson. They expand possibilities and maximize potential. Too often, though, we try to give our kids the world, yet omit what they need to enjoy that world – their own God-honoring dreams.
We can’t push our dreams on kids, which causes opposition. But we can help mold their dreams, which fulfills them, honors God, and creates opportunity. Rather than allowing circumstances or friends to overlay our kids’ dreams, we need to stir their souls and create lid-lifting environments. Here are three keys to earning their trust so that they want our help in doing so.
Three keys to shaping our kids’ dreams
- Become a student
Kids are watching. They’re sizing you up. Your student is looking to see if you’ll be a “student” of them – someone who really cares about what they think and knows where they’re coming from. Their friends do. Do you? If you want the opportunity to help shape your kids’ dreams, become a student of their dreams. Know their passions, their giftedness, and their hurts.
In Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp writes: “Most parents cannot quickly generate a list of strengths and weaknesses of their children. (They) have not sat down and discussed their short-term and long-term goals for their children. They have not developed strategies for parenting.” I too was that kind of parent, until realizing that leading at home starts with learning at home.
- Nudge the rudder
If you want the opportunity to help chart your kids’ course, don’t steer their ship. Nudge their rudder. The impact is similar, but working under the surface makes all the difference. Many parents love well, yet blow it when their kids get off course and they leap in to take over. Putting kids on the path to faithfulness requires simmering, not microwaving, your influence.
Kids also need rudder nudging to keep their dreams on course. Kids crash on autopilot. Granted, you can’t give them a destination with GPS turn-by-turn directions, but you can provide a compass that keeps them pointing north. No matter your method, know your role. You can be your kids’ navigator, second mate, or cook, but the one role you must lead them to own is being their own captain.
- Encourage their character
If you want the opportunity to help your kids pursue their godly dreams, encourage their character. Sift through their dirt to find the nuggets of hope already there. Keep searching. Keep encouraging. Correction is easy, but sharing praiseworthy character amidst drama takes a lot of work.
A personal example
If I could have one do-over as a young parent, it would be to encourage more and correct less. But since it’s never too late to start, my kids became guinea pigs for all sorts of family exercises explained in my upcoming book Well Done, Mom & Dad! Here’s one example . . .
In order to help shape our kids’ dreams, our family created a “Declaration of Him-dependence” with twelve declarations to which we would aspire. And to make it more fun, we also took photos of a 1776-type signing ceremony. With a white colonial wig, black robe, feather pen, and Christian flag, we all signed our family’s declaration. These goofy photos still hang by our stairs as reminders of how we together shaped a family dream with everyone’s unique inputs.
Questions: On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do you know your kids’ dreams? How could you better nudge your kids’ rudders (without steering their ships)? What’s one nugget of your kids’ character that you could praise today?
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