Every daddy of daughters knows the fear . . . some goober boy will steal his daughter’s heart. Never mind that every daddy started out as a goober that his father-in-law feared.

As the saying goes, girls look for a husband who’s much like her daddy. Dad’s example sets her expectations in a mate. I remember when my teenage daughter told Anna, “I’ll never marry someone like Dad!” Sure enough, ten years later, Leslie told Anna, “Ryan is just like Dad.” (It’s true, except he’s a cooler version of me.)

Thus, dads need to be the kind of man you want in a son-in-law. If you don’t avoid these last three fallacies of fatherhood (and pursue the corresponding three realities), you’ll likely see them reappear in your kids and grandkids.

10 Fallacies of Fatherhood: #8 – 10:

Fallacy #8:  Keep work & home separate

You may try to be a different man at work than at home, but you can’t. Why? Because integrity is integral in everything. Character follows you like a shadow. I’ll never forget a client who told me a lewd joke and later said he was a church deacon. When he remembered his “joke,” a shadow of shame engulfed him. So too, you can’t live the integrity version of a double agent. You may fool your family for a season, but eventually your sins at work will find you out (Numbers 32:23).

Reality #8: Work & home are interchangeable

I knew I’d messed up when Anna said, “The kids and I are NOT your employees!” What a wake-up call! I had been a lousy dad and a lousy boss. Home and work are interchangeable. The lessons learned in one apply to the other. Yes, applications differ, but if something won’t fly at home, why would it fly at work? Try talking to your employees the way you talk to your kids (or vice versa) and see what happens. Trust me, it won’t be good.

Question: Do you see work & home as separate OR as interchangeable pieces of a life puzzle?

 

Fallacy #9:  Peer pressure ends in school

Following the crowd never gets you ahead of it. But it’s hard to see past the pressure to fit in and feel validated. You graduate from “poopy head” to real crap in junior high. Then you seek identity with high schoolers who promise happiness if you go along to get along. Same in college and beyond –the Joneses aren’t happy either, just older. Turns out, peer pressure doesn’t end in school after all.

Reality #9:  Life just gets more intensive & expensive

What happens with age? Life just gets more intensive and expensive. Consequences magnify and antes get upped. I’ll also never forget a couple fighting at a financial Bible study. She was working two jobs to pay for his new golf club. It wasn’t about his new club; it was about him not supporting his family because he was keeping up with his friends. Acknowledging the bondage of peer pressure is the first step to breaking it and becoming free to truly bond with your family.

Question: Are peers still pressuring you OR are you breaking free from its bondage?

 

Fallacy #10:  Bonding is Mom’s job

There’s nothing like a mother’s love. Maternal instincts and unending devotion combine to shape an unbreakable bond. But moms are not dads. Moms can’t fill the masculine needs of boys and girls. My kids needed Anna’s compassion, but Anna couldn’t roughhouse play or toss them in the air (and catch them) like me. And she couldn’t model manhood. Only I can be Mom’s defender and love her like Christ loves His church. Bonding may be easier for moms, but it’s dad’s job too.

Reality #10: Bonding with Dad forges godly legacies

My book Well Done Mom & Dad! references Vern Bengtson’s research that kids who bond with parents, especially with dad, are more likely to continue a godly legacy than leave it. Both parents are crucial, but a daughter’s bond with Dad shapes her future marriage. And a son’s bond with Dad shapes his manhood. Never stop pursuing your kids. Win their hearts and you’ll likely win their heavenly home. But do it like a real man with both strength and compassion.

Question: Do your kids connect mainly with Mom OR are you forging legacy-molding bonds?

 

While these last three blogs focused on dads, the next three blogs are mom’s turn – 10 Myths of Motherhood. For more information, check out www.timalba.com. You’ll soon find information there about my book (release: August 17th) as well as the entire series of 10 Myths of Motherhood and 10 Fallacies of Fatherhood. Not yet, but soon . . .